The Taste of Ink

Spring break was...kinda normal. I had the sulfur burps--there's a more sophisticated name for it, but it's this really gross sickness that basically turns you into a walking, talking, (forgive my language) burbing and farting stink bomb. You also have frequent, intimate conversations with the toilet. And most people throw up often and are bed ridden, but I didn't. It's a virus that lives somewhere in my body, and will be there for the rest of my life. It's not an actual bug, it's really a colony of these ameobas called...

Okay, so enough of grossing you out with my bodily functions. If you want a good read for the end of the year, I recommend My Name is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok or Cry, the Beloved Country by Alan Paton. They give you really nice epiphanies about life, maybe even yours.

Briefing on something that happened with Ben. First, at a birthday party for Eric Smith, I ignored him. It was just something that happened in me. But later that night, I regretted it so much. I wanted to relive that night so I wasn't a jerk. That night, I decided that once and for all I need to determine what kind of friendship I want with Ben. And either there is a friendship, or nothing at all. End of story.

So the next day at work, instead of ignoring him I talked to him. It amazed me (and continues to amaze me) how in spite of my rudeness, he still played the friend. It's a great example to me. Let's all do that.

It reminded me of unconditional love, and no prejudice about my problems. So that reminds me now: I want to publically apologize to one of my good friends, McKay. Please forgive me for being so harsh and judgemental that night in the hallways. It was not my place. I beg your forgiveness. I do not judge you anymore; in a way, I understand you more. Please forgive me.

And now, a new song about my life and the complex relationship I have with God, my best friends, the blue and yellow high-school-romantic era that rapidly draws to a close, and the world and life that I find gladly, dangerously, opening itself up before my very eyes...

"The Taste of Ink"--The Used
Is it worth it? Can you even hear me?
Standing with your spotlight on me,
Not enough to feed the hungry.
I'm tired, and I felt it for a while now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the [early] morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day
Still I can see it coming,
While I'm standing in the river drowning,
This could be my chance to break out
This could be my chance to say goodbye.
At last it's finally over,
Couldn't take this town much longer
Being half-dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free:

So here I am, it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am, alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this.

And won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright-lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up,
And keep you there to so you can see.
As long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there,
And we'll drink and dance the night away.

As long as you're alive, here I am
I promise I will take you there.



P.S. Ben Harper is really good.

A Little Less Sixteen Candles

So here's the story.

A couple of months ago, Aylla (Cameron Ashby's "girlfriend") asked me to ask Jessica Simpson out to prom. Tina Edmunds, Allya Sylvanstoke, and Jessica Simpson are like the three musketeers...except not...okay, try the three Muses. They are inseparable. The three of them "just have to" go to prom together.

I like Jessica, and I think she's very nice. We're not best friends, but we are more friends than we were last year. So I say sure, why not.

Last week, Aylla started telling me that I needed to ask her very, very soon. According to her, Jessica bought a dress last year but never got asked, so this year Jessica's mom said that she has to get asked before she buys the dress. Jessica had to buy the dress she wanted in the next two or three days.

At first I was like, "Okay, thanks for the memo." But deep down, I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to even go to prom at all. Aylla continued by telling me that she would have it all set up for me to ask her, and all I would have to do is go to a party at her house on Friday.

When I got home and thought about it, I realized that even if I could go to prom, there was a different girl I wanted to ask: Kristen Southerland. But she and Jordan Sorenson were pratically "going out" (even though they aren't really, or something like that). My sister found out that Aylla had basically taken the entire operation into her own hands: she had made a DVD slideshow out of Jessica's baby and child pictures up to her current age, and at the end of the slide show it said, "Will you go to prom with me? Love, Marcus." I had nothing to do with the DVD.

One of my teachers told me that I had to be honest with Jessica. I couldn't go to prom unless it was with someone I had picked--otherwise I'd spend the whole time looking at Kristen. That wasn't entirely true...but she had a good point. So right then, in the middle of fourth period, she went and got Jessica Simpson out of class. I talked to her. Apparently, there was no dress deadline, and she had just worn the prom dress to Homecoming. She said it was no big deal, and she felt a bit uncomfortable about Aylla arranging all this. In fact, she knew that I was supposed to ask her because Aylla had told her. "And where's the surprise in that?" she said.

I still felt like a heel. Without thinking, I told her that there was another guy who would ask her. NEVER LIE! She smiled, and told me to keep his name a secret.

After a moment, I came up with someone: my friend Eric Smith. Surely he would take her. They had been in The Forgiener together. That night, at the party Aylla showed me the movie. She was angry at me and at herself for "getting involved". And she gave Jessica the DVD, to which Jessica had replied, "This is to remember the time I almost got asked to prom."

Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Downstairs, I asked Jordan about asking "his" girl, Kristen. He actually was glad. Since everyone thinks they are going out, he felt pressured into asking her because he was afraid no one else would--and they've already been to a dance. But if I was gonna ask her, then that made things cool. I sighed with some relief.

The next day at work, Eric told me that he was actually already planning on asking someone. I panicked. Now I was in some deep trouble. Desperatly, I asked Julie Garbutt this morning to talk to Trevor Robertson (the Jim Carry of Orem High) to ask Jessica. I have yet to hear from her.

As Julie and I talked, Ben came up, and it was mentioned how he thought of asking her to prom. She said that if Ben asked her now, after the way he treated her during the play Seven Brides, she would essentially tell him to drop dead. "He lost his chance," she said.

I hate dramas.

Sure Things Fall

Right now I'm in Orem High's school musical, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. I really wish I wasn't in it, because it's a huge amount of stress in my life, and if I could I would quit. But oh well. Saturday night was personally my worst night because I danced so badly. That's all I do. I walk across the stage in the overture to get a haircut and then I dance during the social. What a waste. And...who would guess that the lead, Jeff Smith, is obsessed with Kingdom Hearts II? There's a techie who plays it in the technician's booth, too. I spoiled one or two things...self control!!!!!! Again, for anyone who has an interest and an hour's worth of free reading time, go to kingdomheartsnovel.blogspot.com to check out the beginning of a Kingdom Hearts novel.

By the way, King Kong is only worth seeing once, if at all. Gosh, that was such a waste of a movie. Adrien Brody was awesome, though. Jack Black, stupid as usual. Naomi Watts...practically all she did was scream and slowly turn around at the next monster spying on her (sooo annoying). Brody and the guy who plays the teenage character Jimmy (remniscent of Henry from Crane's The Red Badge of Courage) were the only good actors. Basically, there was too much packed into the film. Jackson tried to make it another epic. There were some great moments, true, but they were few and far between annoyances like unrealistic and dragged out action scenes. Kudos to James Newton Howard for the score, though (especially given what he had to work with).

But Just Like Heaven is a great film. That's the first chick-flick I've ever "Aww"ed during a romantic moment...okay, maybe I did it during Pride and Prejudice but not really. That was more of an "Ohhh" moment. (...Girls know what I'm talking about, okay?!) There was a really good "Aww" moment during Just Like Heaven. Mark Ruffalo and Reese Witherspoon make a great couple. And Jon Heder (famous as Napolean Dynamite) was good. I loved his character.

Okay, shutting up about movies. One of my true heros right now is Jeff Smith. He's so friendly. I love his guts. Him and Corey Mann and Josh Workman. Awesome people. I love being surrounded by awesome people. Oh, and Steven Stucki. Gosh, he gave a great testimony in seminary the other day. Stucki is such a great kid. Love that kid. And Eric Sackett and Jacob Swain, and McKenna, Chelsea, Abe, Erica, Megan, Emily Hill, Kristen, Elisa, Justin, Paul...wow. I have a lot of friends.

Ben's been having issues lately. So has Preston, Lindsey, and everyone close to me. I wish I could help them. I'm just not enough, though. Still I will fight on.