Advent Children

Another season over. Yes, I decided that March was actually a season. It was more of a prelude to the next season than anything else, though.

I dub the prelude "Advent Children" because for the first time it really dawned on me that I might not actually make it. As in, for the first time I started to understand what my odds are of beating this thing. The darkness I have. The "problem".

If we look at closet-case gays in the LDS church today and drug addicts and alchoholics, then we see that most of them resort to either embracing the sinful life, or committing suicide. The odds are simply against one of these people living in the Church.

My friends, I realize, are all taking their different courses in life. For them, the story of high school is just about to end. Perhaps the story is about to end for me too. But maybe I don't want to say goodbye just yet.

I don't know what's gonna happen this month. But given my knowlege, I know now what is at stake more than ever before, and I am scared. I am afraid that I will never make it.

Why...why, Marcus, why do you insist?


Because I choose to.


"Everything is coming back to me, the true..."