Holiday

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday.

It’s been such a strange ending to this school year. Orem High just had its last real day of complete anarchy, and now I’m pretty much officially on a summer break. It’s really about time, too, because I needed a holiday very badly.

I feel so old when I think about all the things I went through this last school year. In my junior year alone, I went through so much. I almost had no Christmas, and then I did thanks to my friends. I got a new crush. I developed a complex web of connections among friends. Some friends of mine came to me with very serious problems. I started flunking. I sluffed for the first time. I found myself the most brotherly, Christ-like friend in the whole world…and then lost him.

And most of all, I defeated my greatest darkness. I closed the door to darkness, and now walk the Road to Perdition. Once and for all, I have destroyed my dark. And I won’t have to worry about it ever again.

There’s so many other things I went through, and now coming out of all that should bring a sense of freedom. But it doesn’t. Because I didn’t think that I’d begin my vacation this way. Virtually friendless and alone. I feel so alone now. And there’s so much that’s gonna happen this summer. I just don’t know how I can do it all. Especially by myself. But I’ve got things to do, and I’ve gotta do them during this small season that I have.

I can remember just before school got out, my Newspaper/Creative Writing teacher was talking to me. Somehow, I started listing things about me in the conversation. With each thing, she became more and more astounded. Finally, after what seemed like the last straw, she blurted out in surprise, “You...you…you’re just a kid!”

And I had to nod. That just seems to be the story of my life. I’m too stupid and naïve to really compete with my ever complexifying life. (Yeah, that’s a word; no, I don’t care.) I don’t know that I’m all right with never growing up, because I’m always afraid that I’m just gonna mess up the next thing that I try to do. So I’m afraid that this summer is gonna be so messed up.

All I can do, I guess, is swallow it up and roll forward. And do what I can to make everything one big ride. Because everything for the past while has been one wrong mistake after another. But as Violet says, what might seem like a series of unfortunate events might actually be the beginning of a beautiful journey. And if there’s one thing a guy is afraid of, it’s growing too old for an adventure.

This is the dawning of the rest of our lives on holiday